He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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