you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
