the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize