i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
