I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize