Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
