Buhtt sex?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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