Please, let me fuck your mom
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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