I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
cat food counts as protein by the way
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
