just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
