Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
