Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
