ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
