just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
