Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
