Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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