So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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