I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
