I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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