I haven't been this sober since birth.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
