So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I will be naked everywhere
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
