Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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