its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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