JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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