My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
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It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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