At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
