I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
