Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you inspire me to be a worse person
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
