these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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