by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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