I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I didn't notice because vodka
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
