She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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