I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
