you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
