they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
