"it" just moved
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
