You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
