just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize