she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize