you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
