thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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