I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
