I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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