I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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