i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
