I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
