Small penises have feelings too.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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