he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize