I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
