I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
