I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
