it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
