Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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