After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
