I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
