All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
