I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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