thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
