Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
