Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
