Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
