I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
