Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
