Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
