please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
