started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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