hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
