Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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