Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
