I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is Oprah even human
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
