I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
