i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
