after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
