I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
