I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
