When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i believe in u and ur pee
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
