The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
