During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
