Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
