she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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