I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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