did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
