first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
