I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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