Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
